We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
