Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my poor anus
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
