i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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