Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
