never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
