Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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