Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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