so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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