but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize