who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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