Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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