Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
