Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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