how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
