we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i barfeds in our rink
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
