I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
