if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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