Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
