After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
