Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
