im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
