we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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