I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
