Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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