You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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