Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
