hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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