glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
