I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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