I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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