Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
