my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
