My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
