There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
True strength comes from lack of pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
