I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
