He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
