Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
