I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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