It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
