I think my vagina is haunted
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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