Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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