Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
