So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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