i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
