I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
