She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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