3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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