New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
