names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
