using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
this is an emotional support booty call
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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