the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
