I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
