in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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