it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
