kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
