How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
